Et Memoraie Clavis Aureis

Inhibitions make us stop and put a little more thought into something. They are the classic imaginary figures on the shoulder of the delinquent teenager. They are the boss of one’s moral and ethical conscience. But they are not only guided by our sense of wrong and right. Inhibitions are also formed by impacting experiences such as love, loss, and heartbreak.

Lately, the thought that has intrigued me most is letting go of my inhibitions. I find myself feeling wary of becoming too attatched to someone or even liking anyone because my conscience is scarred with hurt. Every nostalgic vibe is a reminder not to get too close. Im not ready to become passionately, foolishly in love only to end up dissappointed.

Another side of me craves the feeling of being in love, making someone laugh, and knowing them completely. I want to find someone unique, interesting and beautiful and give her the relationship she deserves. I want to make her feel special and take her on adventures. I want to write her songs with our own inside jokes in them and ask her to a dance. I want someone to stargaze with who I can tell everything. But have I met her yet? Will we still be friends after it all over? And is being in a relationship even worth losing someone as a friend? Idk..

Ok I think I’m done for tonight. Just had to get that out.